Let me start by saying I do NOT like this… It seems like once I started getting into writing new music and putting together this whole concert idea there was a quick burst of creativity, and it has all left. By the way, this has happened within like 3 days!!! Oh well, I’m praying for God to give me the strength that I need to write and be creative. I hope that I can get things going soon. This is something that I love, and I have all kinds of stuff to write about with the life that I’ve lived these past few months. Maybe God has a story that he wants me to tell. I’ll be asking him. In the mean time, could I get my you, my friends and family to pray for and with me? I so want this to be good and glorifying to God. Let’s hope I don’t pressure myself too much…

Until next time…

²⁷ Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

So I was reading this passage a couple days ago as I was preparing for Sunday. Worship leaders always try to find a scripture that will work with a particular song or theme that they are trying to follow for the service. As I was searching and reading I came across Isaiah 40. We all know this passage for the famous 31st verse. I decided that I would take a trip back a little and see what words led up to that verse.  As always, I loved what I found. It seemed to fit so perfectly with my life at this time.

My wife and I have been dealing with the loss of our job and the difficulty in finding a new one. Of course, we are hoping that something works out soon because we have a house to pay for and 2 little girls to feed. Even though we know full well that God is taking care of us and knows our every step, sometimes we feel like the Israelites in verse 27. We feel like our cause is being disregarded by God.

However, we are gaining strength as we wait on the Lord. This is such an interesting concept. As we wait on the Lord…wait…not moving forward…not making plans…not staying on top of the bills…not having food…strength is rising. I am constantly amazed at how that continues to work. We have sent resumes all over the country over the past week or so and we have heard back from a couple. They have all said the same thing. But we still have hope. Things are starting to take shape in a few places, and we are just waiting to see what God’s gonna do. If you wait on the Lord, strength will rise…

I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned. In awe of the One who gave it all. I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered all I am is Yours… The Stand Hillsong

Let me start off by saying that I love this song! I appreciate Hillsong and their ability to capture the heart of this Christian walk in song. Another job well done. Anyway…

I was thinking about this the other day and was really struck by the depth of these words. Abandoning your heart is such an amazing concept. When I think about what that means, I am immediately convicted. As a worship leader, I want to be a person who strives to live this type of thing out on a regular basis. Abandoning my heart means that I am putting aside all the things that I think are right or should be happening. I will be the first to say that I don’t do that well all the time. Thanks to songs like this I am reminded to put Christ first and step aside and let Him do what He does.

Right now, I have a lot of things going on in my hear and mind and I want to make the right decisions. I am generally an internal processor and I don’t always do a lot of talking before I work out some initial things in my head. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately, and I’m realizing that without an abandoned heart, I can put some things in the way and as a result not process clearly. I have to be able to clear out the things that are in the way so I can start to hear God more clearly.

Ultimately, the end result has to be me taking a stand for Christ. Anything that does not result in me standing for him means that I’m standing for myself. There’s nothing in me worth standing for. I’m choosing to surrender my soul and give all I have to the Lord. I gotta believe that He knows what’s best for me. From what I understand, he has a plan or something… (Jer. 29:11)

So, generally I’m one to keep my personal things pretty clear from other people’s thoughts because I feel like other people have other things to deal with to have to think about my problems and issues. For whatever reason I’ve decided that I’m throwing that theory out the window at least for today.

My heart is truly overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do with myself right now. I’m really tired and am not enjoying my life. That is just a weird feeling for me because I have so much going on. Maybe that’s the problem with me right now. I have a lot going on and I don’t know where to start. My usual approach to dealing with things has turned into NOT dealing with things and watching them fall.

I feel really lonely right now. I don’t feel like I have anyone that I am ‘experiencing’ life with right now. My life is mostly a bunch of due dates and meetings and I feel as if I’m running in circles.  I don’t know how else to explain these feelings, but I know that they are there. I know that there are people that love me, and there are people that I love, but I am struggling with connection. I don’t have anyone really that I feel is really in my life moving me forward. As a result, even though I have people all around me that I interact with, I feel like I’m out here all alone.

I could go on forever about lots of stuff, but I just want to ask all of you for prayer because I really need it because I don’t know right from left right now. I am not a big fan of facing the day when it comes and would much rather just sleep than get anything accomplished. I don’t feel like I have anything to offer and so I’d much rather stay to myself.

Pray that I can hold on to what I know to be true. Pray that I let the Father in and work in my heart because it’s really broken right now…

So I was just thinking about this while I’m sitting in this class. I, like most of the universe, watched as Barack Obama was inaugurated this morning. I listened to what he said in his speech. I had a warmer seat than the 2 million people that were out there listening to him. The first thing I’ll say is what a historical time! I still can’t believe it to some degree. This is something I never thought I’d see, and am glad that I was available to see it. I think about my grandparents who lived when the fight for equality was even more real than we know right now. I can’t wait to see what the new editions of the history books and how they include such a thing. With that all being said…

A lot of promises were made this morning. I wouldn’t have expected anything else from the new President of the United States. If he can do HALF of the things that he is working toward during his time in office, I’d say WOW! He has a pretty aggressive plan. And like we do in this country, we will hang all our hopes and dreams on this one person. In reality, he doesn’t have much choice but to fail. Not because I don’t think he can do it, but there are so many expectations and he is not going to be able to meet them all. Personally, I pray that President Obama will have success in his time. I don’t envy him at all and don’t want his job.

What am I trying to say? I’m saying that we are all getting ready to put a trust in a man who is going to put us all down. He may not do it right away, and some of us may never feel like he can let us down. But let me tell you, believe it or not, Obama is human and will let us down. With that in mind, I can’t totally put my trust in him. He gets much respect for who he is and I’ll always give him that. But when it comes to who I put my trust in, I’ll trust God my Creator every time. He created Obama. He created me. He created any of you that may read this. He’s the only One that can take care of us as a people and a country. Are you giving him the trust that He deserves? Or have  you thrown your trust at ‘change’? I plan to stick with the One who’s been the same from day one and won’t change forever (Hebrews 13:8).