Joshua 5-6

How I really needed that one today! This passage is a story and it wouldn’t seem to have anything to do with my life right now. But when you’re struggling, God seems to find a way to get through to you.  I don’t even normally do the daily reading, but thought I might see where it was. Generally, I don’t sit down long enough on a daily basis and after this one I’m thinking that I should…

Right now it seems so easy for me to just keep trying to push and move and keep busy and do all this stuff because that’s what I’m used to doing. However, at this current moment I don’t really have anything to be running toward. Go figure! The thing that everyone talks about is the walking around the wall, blowing the trumpets and the wall falling down. What stood out so much for me as I read this today was the faith that Joshua had to step out and do what God told him to do. All God wanted him to do was walk. There was no elaborate war plan or strategy for taking over. All they were supposed to do was walk…

Honestly, that is so hard for me right now. All I have to do is walk. God has given me the opportunity to spend some time with my family and enjoy the time. I finally finished my degree and it was well worth it. My current job is coming to an end and I should be enjoying those people and memories. Instead, I’m worried about what is coming next and I can’t see anything. I want to run into whatever is up next, but God is just asking me to walk.  I was JUST able to see that today. It doesn’t mean that I now know what’s coming next, but it does mean that God has it under control and if I walk with Him he will lead me in the right direction. I have had ‘Endejan Brain’ for the past 2 weeks and it’s been driving me crazy!!! I don’t know how you do it, friend, I don’t know how you do it…

So I’m sitting here right now trying to slow myself down long enough to walk like God is asking me to. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that God is the one who holds the future. I trust Him…

When God does what He does, it’s amazing! I know this will come across as a start contrast from the last post, but that’s what God can do. I am a firm believer in God working in what we call ‘behind the scenes’. It only seems that way because we don’t always see what He’s doing. God is never behind the scenes.  This weekend was such a good one for me because I was able to hear the Father speak in ways that I hadn’t heard in quite awhile.

This has been a good time for me. I can’t even begin to tell you all about it. My goal is to share with you my thoughts about my life and the future and what it may look like. Keep praying for me, I need it!

So, generally I’m one to keep my personal things pretty clear from other people’s thoughts because I feel like other people have other things to deal with to have to think about my problems and issues. For whatever reason I’ve decided that I’m throwing that theory out the window at least for today.

My heart is truly overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do with myself right now. I’m really tired and am not enjoying my life. That is just a weird feeling for me because I have so much going on. Maybe that’s the problem with me right now. I have a lot going on and I don’t know where to start. My usual approach to dealing with things has turned into NOT dealing with things and watching them fall.

I feel really lonely right now. I don’t feel like I have anyone that I am ‘experiencing’ life with right now. My life is mostly a bunch of due dates and meetings and I feel as if I’m running in circles.  I don’t know how else to explain these feelings, but I know that they are there. I know that there are people that love me, and there are people that I love, but I am struggling with connection. I don’t have anyone really that I feel is really in my life moving me forward. As a result, even though I have people all around me that I interact with, I feel like I’m out here all alone.

I could go on forever about lots of stuff, but I just want to ask all of you for prayer because I really need it because I don’t know right from left right now. I am not a big fan of facing the day when it comes and would much rather just sleep than get anything accomplished. I don’t feel like I have anything to offer and so I’d much rather stay to myself.

Pray that I can hold on to what I know to be true. Pray that I let the Father in and work in my heart because it’s really broken right now…

I actually started writing about this the other day, but stopped because I wanted to think about it some more. And so I did. My thoughts are pretty simple, and I don’t claim to be anything special, but God has given me something and I choose to share it with others. Here’s what I’m thinking…

I’m asking this question because I know that I’m guilty of having done this before.  We try so hard to make sure we say the right things or put up the right faces and fronts, that we overlook what it’s all about. I learned all the good stuff to say when I was younger, and now I’m realizing that this life is really only about one thing. Jesus Christ and what he did for us. As I continue to grow in Christ and this walk, I am seeing that people want to know what’s real. And at the end of the day, the one thing that I know is real is Jesus Christ.

I’m starting to realize that Paul was right (which has been the case for awhile). In his writing to the Corinthians, that was his prayer. I want that to be my prayer. I want to be able to say to everyone around me that I want to know nothing but Christ. That’s where everything starts, that’s where everything ends. Oh yeah, Happy birthday, Brittany Howard!

So, this year has already brought challenges in my life. I expected it to, because life always brings challenges. I didn’t think that I wouldn’t get through 10 days before things started to happen. Oh well, that’s life I guess. I think that God is getting me ready for something big…something I haven’t quite imagined yet. I don’t really know WHAT God has for me right now, but he doesn’t do anything half way. Here’s what I do know. I’ve been called to lead people in worship through song and I’ve been given a gift that I cannot take for granted. I know that if I’m going to do what it is I want to do I have to just step out and start doing it. I am preparing myself to move forward. I don’t know what that means quite yet, but I’m writing again. I’m even going as far as starting to set up possible opportunities to sing. For those of you that know me, this is a big deal. I don’t normally just promote myself. I don’t really know how to do that.

Anyway, I’m asking for your prayers as I attempt to step out of a comfort zone that has been there for a really long time. I’m quite scared, but I want to be obedient to God. Pray that I can listen to God AND respond the way I’m supposed to. That’s been the big issue for me. I have been running from some things because I’m scared of the outcome because I can’t see it. I need to start following God’s lead. Believe it or not, I’m not that great a leader…

I am called to lead people in worship. I am called to minister to people through song. I am called to be a servant. I am called to be a leader. I am called to help people unite their hearts with Christ. I am called to help people turn away from the distractions of life and focus on the God that saves and sings over us.  I can’t do any of that while I’m looking backwards and holding on to my fears. I can only do that if I turn around and begin to move forward. So lead the way, God, lead the way…