I need some help…

I have to make some changes in my thought process. I have a strong desire to make music. I have a strong desire to create a group. This has been a strong desire for a long time and it won’t go away. Last night my wife TOLD me that I needed to just stop being a punk and do it. So I guess that’s what I’m doing. Here’s my problem…

I have a fear of rejection (which oddly enough, God has been helping me deal with lately with all these churches saying no to me…). I also have some insecurities about my own music. I like it, but I fear that others won’t. So I hesitate to share it with others because I don’t think people will think it’s worth it.

With all of that being said, my wife (again) has told me to go for it. I have a new purpose. My new purpose is to create a group from the ground up. I want to find people who have the heart and passion for this like I do. I realize that to some degree I have not because I ask not. This is something that I’ve kept to myself for a really long time. I’m done keeping it to myself. So this is my official call to any of the people out there that know me (or don’t know me yet) that love music.

That’s my new purpose. I need to help to stay the course because this is one of the few things that I can get discouraged about really quickly. So I would ask for some prayer from my friends and family. I will definitely need some prayer to pull this off.

So there you have it. Now, I’m off to mediocrity for a little while longer until my brakes get fixed. Hopefully I’ll be motivated to do some good stuff when I get home this afternoon/evening…

Okay, so the title was a BIT much, but at least you looked at it.

I was reading about my friend David and ran across the passage in 2 Samuel 6 when David was dancing before the Lord as they brought the Ark back to Jerusalem. This struck me in a couple different ways. The first thing that stood out was that Michal was upset that he was doing that and called him on it later, but we’ll get to that. The other thing was the completely uninhibited worship that David gave to the Lord. Now, I’ve read this passage many times, and I’ve always taken notice of it. But as I look through the redefined filter, I see something that excites me. Yes, we have heard it mentioned that David danced out of his clothes, or that he didn’t care who was around because he was dancing to the Lord. I think what made me take notice today was that David was free. That freedom came, however, after some teaching.

I recalled that David and his men, some 30,000 of them were already celebrating as they were bringing the Ark back. There was a little break in the action when Uzzah reached out to touch the Ark because the oxen slipped. When he was struck by God, David got mad, then scared and wanted nothing to do with the Ark. After 3 months of seeing someone else receive the blessings of the Ark, and I’m sure there were some conversations with God, he realized that the Ark was good and he must complete the mission at hand: getting the Ark back to Jerusalem. David’s understanding of who God REALLY was and his plan for the covenant brought magnificent freedom in the heart and soul of King David.  It was THEN that he was seen dancing in his underclothes. I think you really have to be dancing hard to dance completely out of a layer of clothing!

So what am I saying? True worship and true joy come from understanding. Yes, they were already celebrating before, but it wasn’t until after Uzzah died and that time in between where God showed himself through the Ark that the Israelites realized how much they had to celebrate about. We can watch other people worship and even have a basic understanding of what it means to worship ourselves. But true, unfiltered, ‘naked’ worship comes from a deeper understanding of the God who loves us so much that he sent his son to die in our place so we wouldn’t have to. That’s a reason to jump up and down and dance with all our might. And when you’ve completely stripped away all the hindrances between you and God, you can experience something so powerful and you won’t care what you look like to others. People will approach you about how your worship looks, just like Michal did to David. But you will stand firm in knowing what God has done for you. I love David’s response to Michal in verse 22. “I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your eyes…” He was basically saying, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”

Are you willing to be naked in your worship before God? Are you willing to take your worship to a new level? That really means that you have to listen to God for a better understanding of who He is and what He has done and wants to do in your life. Let Him begin to redefine your worship and you’ll start to strip away some of the ugly things that stand between you and him.

I am very excited about 2009! I can’t believe that God has brought me to this point in my life. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, and I know that God is continuing to use me, which is why I’m still here. What does that mean for this year, though? I believe that this year is going to be a year for letting God of the things that I’ve held on to for so long. I am not a selfless leader or father. I am not good at taking care of myself. I am not a great studier and reader of the word. All of these things I want to do better this year. Along with all of that, I want to be a better worshiper. I am called to lead people in worshiping the Father. That’s what I’m here for and I’m committing to going all out in 2009.

Keep your eyes out for the Worship180 project this year. I know that God is calling me to move forward with this ministry, and I know that He’s going to do what’s necessary to get me in line with Him.  I don’t know what else to tell you about it right now, but keep praying for me and I could use your encouragement in making this thing come to life. I am willing to share with anyone who is willing to listen. I am also preparing information about what this ministry that I’m calling Worship180 is all about. If you would like to know more details or be involved in an email newsletter type thing, send me your email address. And if you like to get mail (like I do), send me your address and I can send things that way.

Ultimately, I want to say Happy New Year to all of my friends. This will be a New Year, Redefined…but it has to start on the inside. Who wants to go with me?

Looking at that question the answer seems pretty obvious.  But why is God’s design more important that our desire? Is it because he was here long before we were? Is it because he created us and knows much better what we need? Is it because in order for us to understand this life we have to talk to the one who started it all? YES! But is there something deeper than that? I don’t know if it’s deeper, but there’s something so cool about this to me.  I’ve struggled for a long time with my own design being opposed to God’s.  Trying to do something that’s in complete opposition to the Father is not easy or fun.  I actually found that out as a teenager living at home.  I thought I knew what was up because I was a teenager and I had a job.  But my father was always trying to help me and set me up to pass.  He had all these ‘rules’ and ‘plans’.  I didn’t want rules and plans.  When I look back at those times, I realize now that if I had been more aligned to what my father was trying to show me, I probably would have had more freedom than what I had.

As I put that into a larger perspective, I think about my life and how I think it should go. When I see things happen around me, I wonder what would happen if everyone would just stop and listen to me. How cracked up is that? Anyway, I have to step back and listen to God and hear HIS designs and plans. As I dig into that point even more, I realize that I’ll be doing even better if I stop trying to live in opposition to the father.  That’s when Psalm 37 starts to become more and more clear. Delighting in the Lord has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.  I’m not trying to please him so he gives me everything I want. I need to be positioning myself to fit his will for me.

As I always try to do, I want to find a way to make this fit in with today’s worship scheme. I’m not calling anyone else out, I can only talk about myself. The rest is up to you. But when we worship, are we looking for the worship that we desire, or the worship that God has designed? Have we commited our worship to him so that he can act? Or are we searching for what looks and sounds and feels good to us? I believe that if we are looking more to our desire than God’s design, we need him to come and ‘redefine’ what our worship should look like to him…

“Lord, I pray that you would help me to trust in you. I want to align my heart with yours so I can know what your design for my worship is. I want to give you all that you deserve. Help me step out of the way so that you can have all of me. Blessed be your name…”

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will act.” Psalm 37:3-5