I’ve had a couple weird blog days this past week. There was also the fact that my posts were posting later than I actually posted them. Weird times…anyway I hope that we’ll get back on track this week. I’m starting the week off with a doozy! Yesterday, I was reading my Bible (it was Sunday) and ran across this gem of a chapter in the Psalms. For those of you that don’t know, I have been dealing with quite a lot lately in life. I feel as if I’m in a constant state of transition, not knowing what the next step is going to be. I have been praying that God would show me what I’m supposed to be doing. I feel like I should know something because we have been walking this same road for so long. I’ve almost felt entitled. “Why won’t God just answer me? He knows this situation and He knows what we need. SERIOUSLY!” That was a statement of mine from an actual conversation. All that to say that I’ve been quite frustrated with life as of late.  There are some things that I want to do, and some things that I don’t want to do. There are some things that I’m hoping God will work through and my brain has been through a million scenarios.

In getting ready for the SpiritWing 25th Anniversary Reunion (more on that later), I was listening to the song Psalm 40 by Newsong. This was one of the songs that I led during the year I was in SpiritWing and we are singing it again. That song and passage came to my mind yesterday morning before service because I was a little discouraged about things. The chapter starts out talking about how David waited patiently for the Lord to do what He was going to do. That immediately struck home. But I think took a glance at a passage I had marked from chapter 39. It simply floored me.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man’s life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro…

Psalm 39:5-6a

The thought that I’m just a breath, a phantom completely blew me away. I’ve been sitting here wondering what God is waiting on and then I saw that He doesn’t have to tell me anything and that in a blink I could be gone. That was a quick pick me up before service started. This world is NOT about me or you. It’s about God working in and through us. I got completely and utterly blasted by this passage. I immediately started writing a song based on this passage. It’s coming soon and I will do my best to bring the fire that the words speak. However, (you should read this chapter, btw), the rest of this chapter is beautiful. I can’t wait to weave this thing into a song. I’m excited about it!!!

Did you need to know this week that you’re a phantom man? I know I did…

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

Now, I’m going to ask for a little bit of blogger/preacher/I’m writing this to make my point and you’re not leeway. This thought came to me today as I was spending some time this morning with my great friend, sister, and mind-sharer, Danielle Endejan. As we were talking about life and the struggles and joys, she said something that struck me. She said that she hated that she was so stupid and that she wished she would just be able to get the things that God has shown her so she can move on. Right at that instant I had a gospel moment. We are God’s sheep and He wants to lead us. We get in trouble when we think we know the way and try to lead ourselves. Then we run into walls and fall off cliffs and stuff like that. The beauty in the falling is that He is always there to catch us. After He catches us, He gently points us back in the right direction. His delights in us even when we are stupid and continue to try and do our own thing. What I said to Danielle is that His brilliance is my greater in our stupidity. I know that I have done some stupid things in my lifetime in the name of helping people or being ‘that’ guy. You know, the helper guy that everyone comes to. There are a few times that I get this right, and it’s not because of anything I’ve done. It’s mostly because there are SO many times that I mess things up because I’m trying to work on my own power and I end up doing more harm than good…so I think. But sometimes those situations get turned around for good and then I realize that God just made himself look brilliant in my stupidity. I have had to learn that it’s okay for me to make God look brilliant. I’m not that smart. My knowledge of ANYTHING comes straight from Him. He put it there. He sustains it. I’m not that good of a songwriter. I’ve tried to do that on my own. I stink. But when I take the time to focus on what God wants to say through me, it generally comes out so much better. I am sooooo okay with that.

Are you able to take glory in your stupidity? Are you ready to embrace your inner sheep? What things have you done that were really stupid that God turned into something great? Are you willing to accept that it’s not about your amazing ability to do anything and that it’s waaaay more about how masterful and intricate the thoughts of God really are? That’s a big thing to let go of in your mind. I know it is because I struggle with it everyday. My brain partner Danielle struggles with it everyday. She is probably dealing with it right now as I type this at almost midnight on Friday. But it doesn’t stop God from being God. The question is whether or not you will let Him do His thing through you, or will you be stupid enough to keep trying to do it yourself?

It’s Advent season and we are fully anticipating the coming of Christ. This past Sunday we talked about Jesus being a Mighty God (Isaiah 9:6). We talked about the oft overlooked Greek name for Mighty God, El-Gibhor. When you look at this name, a word that you find in the definitions of both is strong. As I sat and listened, all I could think about that my God is strong strong. That’s more than just regular strong, that’s super strong.

I was so impacted by the concept that this baby that was coming to the world in Jerusalem that night was going to be strong strong. Who knew that this baby would come to the world so small and helpless, but then be the Savior of the world? That’s strong strong. We know because of the seasons that when Jesus came to the world, His whole goal was to die for our sins. That’s strong strong. They didn’t know that 2000 years ago. They had no idea that this baby would be so special.

There should be great hope in knowing that the God we serve is strong strong. I don’t know what you guys are going through right now, but knowing that the Savior of the world is coming to die for my sins because He was the only one who could should bring you much hope and joy. Even better, you can engage the world with this hope. I love having a God that is strong strong.

Woe to those who are at ease in Zion, and to those who feel secure on the mountain of Samaria, the notable men of the first of the nations, to whom the house of Israel comes! …O you who put far away the day of disaster and bring near the seat of violence. Woe to those who lie on beds of ivory and stretch themselves out on their couches, and eat lambs from the flock and calves from the midst of the stall, who sing idle songs to the sound of the harp and like David invent for themselves instruments of music, who drink wine in bowls and anoint themselves with the finest oils, but are not grieved over the ruin of Joseph!

Amos 6:1-6

I was sitting in a Sunday school class this pass Sunday when they started their lesson on this passage. The lesson was on social justice this passage was discussed in many different ways. I was impacted by these words and wrote them down with the idea that I would write about them now. So that’s what I’m doing.

As I sit here this morning getting ready to start this ridiculously long day, I think about just how much time I spend ‘stretched out on the couch’. So much time gets spent with us trying to relax or doing the things that we want to do. I also think about those of us who spend time trying to emulate people that we see on TV and wanting to have what they have. We would never say it, but when we obsess about all these things and toys and cars and such, we are making them our idols; our God. I say we because I am guilty of this as well. I have been obsessing about some music software and it has clouded my thinking as far as the rest of the world goes. I have cared so much about this and other things including this current holiday that I have ‘put far away the day of disaster’. I haven’t spent much time caring about what’s going on in the world. It’s times like these that when I need a new God. That doesn’t mean that the God of this universe, the Savior of the world needs replacing. It means that I have replaced that God with all of the earthly things that I obsess about. I need to turn my focus back to who God is and what He has done.

I watched this happen to me this past week. Because I haven’t led worship for a church in quite awhile, I hadn’t focused much on reading or doing any of the things that I normally do to keep my mind sharp. It took me a LOT longer than it normally does to put together a worship set because I was so out of ‘practice’. I have had to do my share of ‘Encountering the Savior’ lately.

The question…is there anything out there that has taken the place of God in your own life? Is it money or the pursuit of it? Is it trying to find a better job? Is it trying to find the perfect guy or girl? Will any of these things better your life in a way that God can not?

I have been feeling like this whole worship180 ministry idea and this blog has lost something over the past couple months. I’m pretty sure that I know why. Without having a job and not focusing on the importance of who I am and what God has called me to do, my ideas have been so scattered. I haven’t channeled my thoughts about worship because a lot of that came from having a job where I thought about it constantly. Which is super wrong. There have been glimpses of smart thoughts, but overall they have been few and far between. I had a lot to think about and work through this weekend and so my mind has had to work. The biggest thing I got from all that time was that I’ve been neglecting the thing that God has put inside of me. Sharing about worship and my experiences and asking questions and all those things have been missing.

Here are some things that are going on, and then I’m gonna share a thought from yesterday. First, I’m going to be recording a radio spot for KSIV (local radio station) talking about what worship180 is. That was scary because I hadn’t quite put that all together in a way that I could share with radio listeners. So I had to figure that out this weekend. With the help of some friends, we came up with an idea and a mission statement. I’m gonna share it with you now. Worship180 is a consulting firm that exists to train leaders and build worship ministries by teaching churches and individuals to Encounter the Savior, Enrich their Community and Engage the world. So I’m working with that idea in my head now. So I guess that means that I’m starting worship consulting. I am personally not completely sold on the consulting word because I think it bottles up what I do and who I am. I’m still working on that. Anyway, I’m excited about the opportunity to figure out just how effective this idea will be with churches and people in the area. A bit of market research, if you will… That’s a prayer point, btw

So my idea for the day.

Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter through them and give thanks to the Lord. This gate of the Lord; the righteous shall enter through it. I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation. The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:19-24

I read this passage at the church that I led worship for yesterday. It has been a staple in my father’s church for quite a while. I can remember my Aunt Barbara making the whole church memorize it so we could internalize this message. It has been stuck in my heart and mind for years. But I can honestly say that it had become a routine and some of the message has been lost. We all keep the last verse and say it all the time. But the verse that seemed to stick out to me this weekend was verse 23. “This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes” That is such a key verse for me. With all the things that I have gone through in my life over the past few months it’s hard to see that this is the Lord’s doing. But if I only look at the tough or bad things, it’s easy to feel that way. In reality, He’s also done so many great things and has sustained my family.

As you are going through the challenges of life, are you able to keep in mind that this is the Lord’s doing? I know I’ve had a tough time doing that. I’m thinking that maybe it’s time for me to get back to the basics…

²⁷ Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

So I was reading this passage a couple days ago as I was preparing for Sunday. Worship leaders always try to find a scripture that will work with a particular song or theme that they are trying to follow for the service. As I was searching and reading I came across Isaiah 40. We all know this passage for the famous 31st verse. I decided that I would take a trip back a little and see what words led up to that verse.  As always, I loved what I found. It seemed to fit so perfectly with my life at this time.

My wife and I have been dealing with the loss of our job and the difficulty in finding a new one. Of course, we are hoping that something works out soon because we have a house to pay for and 2 little girls to feed. Even though we know full well that God is taking care of us and knows our every step, sometimes we feel like the Israelites in verse 27. We feel like our cause is being disregarded by God.

However, we are gaining strength as we wait on the Lord. This is such an interesting concept. As we wait on the Lord…wait…not moving forward…not making plans…not staying on top of the bills…not having food…strength is rising. I am constantly amazed at how that continues to work. We have sent resumes all over the country over the past week or so and we have heard back from a couple. They have all said the same thing. But we still have hope. Things are starting to take shape in a few places, and we are just waiting to see what God’s gonna do. If you wait on the Lord, strength will rise…

Joshua 5-6

How I really needed that one today! This passage is a story and it wouldn’t seem to have anything to do with my life right now. But when you’re struggling, God seems to find a way to get through to you.  I don’t even normally do the daily reading, but thought I might see where it was. Generally, I don’t sit down long enough on a daily basis and after this one I’m thinking that I should…

Right now it seems so easy for me to just keep trying to push and move and keep busy and do all this stuff because that’s what I’m used to doing. However, at this current moment I don’t really have anything to be running toward. Go figure! The thing that everyone talks about is the walking around the wall, blowing the trumpets and the wall falling down. What stood out so much for me as I read this today was the faith that Joshua had to step out and do what God told him to do. All God wanted him to do was walk. There was no elaborate war plan or strategy for taking over. All they were supposed to do was walk…

Honestly, that is so hard for me right now. All I have to do is walk. God has given me the opportunity to spend some time with my family and enjoy the time. I finally finished my degree and it was well worth it. My current job is coming to an end and I should be enjoying those people and memories. Instead, I’m worried about what is coming next and I can’t see anything. I want to run into whatever is up next, but God is just asking me to walk.  I was JUST able to see that today. It doesn’t mean that I now know what’s coming next, but it does mean that God has it under control and if I walk with Him he will lead me in the right direction. I have had ‘Endejan Brain’ for the past 2 weeks and it’s been driving me crazy!!! I don’t know how you do it, friend, I don’t know how you do it…

So I’m sitting here right now trying to slow myself down long enough to walk like God is asking me to. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that God is the one who holds the future. I trust Him…