Yesterday I was at home with the girls. That usually means that either we’ll have fun OR they will be mad at me by lunch because I’m not a fan of whining, which makes it tough to be 6 and 5 year old girls in my home. It ended up being a bit of both by the end of the day. But that’s another story for another day. One of the things I was able to accomplish was the rewriting of my resume and the cover letter that I attach when it is sent. I’ve had to send that thing out many times, and I wanted to feel more confident about what I was sending to churches and other employers. So I sat down and started from the the top and redid the whole thing. I changed the look and the words. I updated some stuff and wrote a completely new letter.

As I started writing the letter I was smacked with a plethora of feelings. The one I felt the most was humility. Resume writing is all about finding clever non forward ways to brag about yourself. That is difficult for me because I don’t like to talk about myself like that. Which made this even harder for me to swallow. As I wrote down all of my past jobs and recent accomplishments and things about my family and personal life I realized that I’ve been truly blessed by my Father. Even as I sit at home with no job, officially behind on my mortgage for June, not knowing if anyone will EVER call me, I know that I’ve been extremely blessed. I was reminded again that none of the things that I’ve done or been a part of have ANYTHING to do with me. They are all because of the God that lives in me. I was immediately humbled and broken. There was no one around to share it with so I had to write it in this way.

My hope is that someone will read this and realize that God is truly the one that is in control at all times. I can’t even begin to explain why things happen the way that they do, but I know that they do. There’s nothing I can do to change what God has already put in place. I just have to learn to live in His world. Be a part of His story. Let me tell you friends, that’s not easy. I like to know what’s going on around me. One thing that may seem small (except to Jim, who I know deals with this, too) is the fact that ever since I made some changes to my blog I haven’t been able to keep track of how many people visit my blog on a regular basis. That has frustrated me on and off for a while now. But I realized the other day that I haven’t checked in quite awhile. That’s a major victory for someone who needs to know everything. I even thought that asking people to respond to things would help, but people didn’t catch on to the whole leaving responses part, so that fell through as well. All this to say that, humility can come in many forms. Sometimes it comes when a dear friend shows you your faults, like Nathan and David (see 2 Samuel 12). Sometimes it comes when you have to write a letter about yourself. Either way, when God needs you to look at Him and not at yourself, He can do it.