I have spent the past three days at a conference for the Classical Conversations method of homeschooling. There have been lots of things said over these three days (what else would you expect from a room of 40 plus women???) The major point was about the shift toward a utilitarianistic (just made that up) world. Living a life of utility almost forces out the concept and idea of God. That thought has clicked on some things in my head. I have thought about that in many ways, but especially in my own realm of worship in the church.

I attend an awesome church community at First Free Church called Quest. We speak constantly about being a place for the skeptic, inquirer and the already convinced. The whole idea of the skeptic has been placed in a new light for me this week. Skeptics are really skeptical (DUH!) and they are getting more and more skeptical everyday. Something that I’ve come to realize is that the thing that most people are skeptical about is Christ and the thought of God creating this world. That statement then is followed by a million more statements, but that’s not what this is about. This is about how to create and present music that is relevant to skeptics and already convinced alike. Periodically, I get to spend time talking with my friend, Alisha. Whenever that happens, we get to talk about the relevancy of the service that we attend on a regular basis. We talk about lot of different aspects of the worship service, but we don’t always talk about the music. It’s not because we think our music is perfect (because we don’t), but there are so many other things that we put as more important than that in our worship experience. All this to say that I believe that we should look harder at the concept of worship from the mind of a skeptic.

How does worship music look to the skeptic? We are always inviting people to our churches and a lot of times we tout the quality of our music and worship. But does our music really present something that the skeptic can connect with? Our music is distinctly Christian (which is GREAT), and I wonder if sometimes our music is turning skeptics away before they hear the message that is being preached that morning. Now I’m not saying that we need to start adding Usher and Miley to our song sets on Sundays. That’s the OTHER extreme. But I want to be able to think about what our worship and music time is saying to those that are coming to our church. Worship leaders, what are you thoughts about this? Church attenders, what are you thoughts about this? Skeptics (if any of you read this), what do you think about this? Let me hear from you…

It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to not be the one controlling a situation and being the one making sure that everything works. It’s hard to let go because no one likes to fall. Falling is painful. Falling leaves bruises. No one likes to fall.

So it’s no wonder that we struggle so much with that one thing when it comes to following Christ. We are being asked to let go of everything and trust that someone we can’t see will catch and hold us. It’s hard to do. It’s even harder to explain. When it comes to engaging the world, we have to share this part of the Christian walk and get the world to grasp the concept. But do we really grasp the concept? I know that I don’t do it well. Going through this whole season of joblessness, it has been totally hard to let go. And we don’t have anything!!! Yet I have tried with everything that I have to keep a tight grasp on the little we have left. I was hit with the thought yesterday that if I spend all my time holding tightly to the little bit that I have right now, I’m leaving no fingers for reaching out for the Father. He wants to hold my hand but I’m not giving Him and hand to hold.

What are you holding on to so tightly that you’re not giving either of your hands to God to hold on to and lead you? Something to think about…

This will be completely random to some, but it’s how my brain works. I was at church the other morning when someone pulled a van into one of the handicapped spaces. I must say, it was one of the worst parking jobs I’ve ever seen in my life! This van was sitting in that space like a forward slash (/). Not only that, but because the van was so big, it was causing people behind and around to stop. No one could move until this van could fix itself. I watched as people, in Sunday morning form, tried not to get upset and wait patiently even though they knew they would lose their spot in their favorite chair. They waited while the van back in and out a couple times before it was able to straighten up and finally park straight in the spot. I watched this unfold and was intrigued.

I went away wondering how many times we slow people down in life because we are in the way? I remembered the story of the man who had to be let down through the roof to be healed by Jesus (that’s in Mark 2, btw). The reason they had to make an opening in the people’s roof was because there were so many other people in the way and they wouldn’t let them through to Jesus. For some reason that seemed to really strike a chord with me while I stood there. How many times have I been standing in the way of someone getting to see Jesus and be healed by His love and compassion? We hear so much about how the people can get in the way of what God may be doing in the hearts of an unbeliever. I don’t know how true that is ALL the time, but I know that it’s possible. So my question to you for today is, am I being used as a vehicle for the Kingdom of God to flow through? Or am I just double parked in the lot and holding up the flow of traffic? Don’t be a handicapping parker. Unless of course, you…well…yeah…

Yesterday I was at home with the girls. That usually means that either we’ll have fun OR they will be mad at me by lunch because I’m not a fan of whining, which makes it tough to be 6 and 5 year old girls in my home. It ended up being a bit of both by the end of the day. But that’s another story for another day. One of the things I was able to accomplish was the rewriting of my resume and the cover letter that I attach when it is sent. I’ve had to send that thing out many times, and I wanted to feel more confident about what I was sending to churches and other employers. So I sat down and started from the the top and redid the whole thing. I changed the look and the words. I updated some stuff and wrote a completely new letter.

As I started writing the letter I was smacked with a plethora of feelings. The one I felt the most was humility. Resume writing is all about finding clever non forward ways to brag about yourself. That is difficult for me because I don’t like to talk about myself like that. Which made this even harder for me to swallow. As I wrote down all of my past jobs and recent accomplishments and things about my family and personal life I realized that I’ve been truly blessed by my Father. Even as I sit at home with no job, officially behind on my mortgage for June, not knowing if anyone will EVER call me, I know that I’ve been extremely blessed. I was reminded again that none of the things that I’ve done or been a part of have ANYTHING to do with me. They are all because of the God that lives in me. I was immediately humbled and broken. There was no one around to share it with so I had to write it in this way.

My hope is that someone will read this and realize that God is truly the one that is in control at all times. I can’t even begin to explain why things happen the way that they do, but I know that they do. There’s nothing I can do to change what God has already put in place. I just have to learn to live in His world. Be a part of His story. Let me tell you friends, that’s not easy. I like to know what’s going on around me. One thing that may seem small (except to Jim, who I know deals with this, too) is the fact that ever since I made some changes to my blog I haven’t been able to keep track of how many people visit my blog on a regular basis. That has frustrated me on and off for a while now. But I realized the other day that I haven’t checked in quite awhile. That’s a major victory for someone who needs to know everything. I even thought that asking people to respond to things would help, but people didn’t catch on to the whole leaving responses part, so that fell through as well. All this to say that, humility can come in many forms. Sometimes it comes when a dear friend shows you your faults, like Nathan and David (see 2 Samuel 12). Sometimes it comes when you have to write a letter about yourself. Either way, when God needs you to look at Him and not at yourself, He can do it.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Went to church, which I love. Then we spent the rest of the day with family, which I love. Good times had all around. My cousin was in from San Antonio and it was great to see her and her husband and baby. So that’s a synopsis of my day. I know it’s not as cool as my friend’s Sunday blogs, but that’s what I had.

The thing that struck me the most yesterday was the sermon. We started a new sermon series yesterday called wiseology. It’s going to be a summer long journey through the book of Proverbs. I must say, I’m quite excited about this series. I think it’s going to be really, REALLY cool if yesterday’s sermon is any indication. We were all given a challenge to read through the book of Proverbs everyday over the summer. That would turn out to be 3 times through if we do it everyday. We were challenged to search and strive for wisdom. It seems so simple, but it is so counter cultural in today’s world that it could really change some things. So, to whomever actually takes the time to read this, I’m passing on this challenge to you. Take some time and read one chapter of Proverbs each day this summer and try to live by what you read. Then see if God changes your life at all this summer. I dare you. Feel free to make comments and share your experiences and what you learn through these readings. I’m excited. Are you? I hope so.

In Other News: I have to get back to working on music soon. I should do that…

It’s funny that this ‘pushing through’ series has kept going. I didn’t mean for it to be a series, but it is working out that way. Anyway, it totally fits where my family is right now. We are continuing to push through even when things aren’t going the way we would like them to. We are seeing that as we push through, people are willing to come alongside us and help us push. I’m seeing that in a real, tangible way with this CD project. I’m so ready to spill everything that I have right now, but I don’t have that much to share about it at this point, so I’ll keep it all in. I will say this: I spent the afternoon and evening working on a CD cover design for the upcoming project. It’s pretty sweet I think. When you see it, those of you who know me well will think “that IS Harry”. That’s exactly what I wanted it to say. I’m proud of where it is right now.

I don’t know how all of this is going to work out to be totally honest. I don’t know how the covers are going to be printed or how the CDs are going to be made. I can’t answer any of that because when I look at it, it seems insurmountable. But I’m pushing through anyway and letting God handle the details. Even in the midst of this tumultuous situation, I’m still able to be excited about what God is doing in my life.

I pray that whatever the situation is that you face, you are able to look past the trouble in front and see the God that’s all around. That’s where your peace comes from. That’s where my peace is coming from. I’m looking to the hills…

I am SOOOOOOOOO wanting to be able to write something about the big corner that has been turned and how things are starting to look different for us. However, things are still pretty much the same. I’m still without a job and still searching diligently for one. I’m still surprised that we still have things that work in our house. Or that we have a house. I do know this…God is still in control. I’m waiting for the rest of the world to catch up and figure that out as well. I’ve been keeping up with the news a little bit lately (something I don’t normally do), and this oil spill thing is ridiculous. i think we are waiting for someone to go down with a big piece of duct tape and make this all better. That’s not working obviously. I pray that they can resolve this soon, but in the mean time, we are dealing with something really serious. We all have something really serious that we are dealing with in our lives. Something that the proverbial duct tape cannot fix. Are we calling on God during these times? I have a dear friend that is dealing with the possible loss of a family member. I know that there’s a struggle there, but I know that she’s looking to Christ for strength. It’ll be tough, but I know she’ll get through it. I also know some people who just try to cover up their problems with more money or more sex or more drugs. They will continue to struggle and continue to search. Who are you looking to during your trying times?