I have decided today that the battle is not mine. What does that mean? I realize that God is prepping me for something big and I don’t know what it is. However, Satan surely knows what it is and has decided to see if he can wear me down with all these peripheral discussions, arguments and dilemmas. I have had the most random day and I thought I liked it, but I’m pretty sure that I don’t anymore. I know that my hopes of starting it over won’t be granted to me, so my only bet is that I can try to do better tomorrow.  But sometimes I wonder…

I wonder why these things happen? I wonder why without notice things can switch and what was a good relationship is now being questioned. I wonder why miscommunication happens even when there was nothing being communicated? I sometimes wonder how men handle the pressures of being men. Responsibility is ours and we know that. Sometimes we like that, especially when things work out right. However, the dark, ugly side of responsibility shows up sometimes when we really don’t want it to or maybe can’t deal with the emotional aspect of it.

I’m writing today as someone who knows the battle has come to his doorstep. I’m dealing with a lot of things, and I’m glad to be done with school so I can attempt to concentrate on all the things swirling around my head. Even with the extra time and minimal extracurricular items, life can still be pretty taxing. That’s what I’ve noticed today. These are times that, as my friend Danielle says, “I know God is teaching me something and I sort of feel like we’ve had this lesson already. I’d like to say ‘God, I understand this lesson…can we move on to another one?’” That is what is in my heart today. I don’t know if that helps anyone, but it helps me to write it out. Sometimes I wonder if anyone cares…

Tags: confusion, distractions, focus