Even as I’m sitting here writing this sentence, I can’t believe that I’m writing it. I love this idea and am slightly overwhelmed by it at the same time.  As I was getting ready to sit down and really think about this idea, I was having an awesome conversation with a very good friend of mine, Charlie. He was sharing some excerpts from a book that talked about how we must realize that the circumstances around us are put there by God and if he had something different for us that would work better he would use them. I look at the circumstances that have happened in my life and I realize that if it weren’t for the people that God has placed in my life I wouldn’t be where I am today. I won’t even begin to name people because I’ll forget someone and they’ll be the person to read this   Here are some of my thoughts though…

We as a people are so enthralled by the idea of doing things on our own. There’s something about being able to say that I did something myself or I made it somewhere without any help. But in reality, we weren’t even designed to do things on our own. We are built to help each other and be helped by each other. God loved us enough to put people in our lives so we wouldn’t have to try to be independent. Why do we run away from what God has for us?

I am so thankful for all the people in my life that help me get through this crazy life. Even though I have so many people in my life that want to be there for me, I find ways to try to be independent as well. What am I doing? I have a guide that shares all kinds of way for me to depend on Christ and the people that he puts in my life. No where does it mention me being a loner or trying to handle this life by myself. However, I try to do it all the time. It gets even harder when, like me, you’re married with a family. Now I have people closer to me all the time and instead of embracing that fact, I work harder to try to be independent. We are weirdos sometimes…

What am I saying? I guess what I’m trying to say is Christians are called to help each other. We aren’t doing anyone a favor when we don’t lend a hand to help or we don’t make ourselves available for our brothers and sisters. One day we will realize this. Who knows how much of an impact the body can have when we decide to finally work together in the ways that God planned…

⁹ Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

¹⁰ If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

¹² Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Joshua 5-6

How I really needed that one today! This passage is a story and it wouldn’t seem to have anything to do with my life right now. But when you’re struggling, God seems to find a way to get through to you.  I don’t even normally do the daily reading, but thought I might see where it was. Generally, I don’t sit down long enough on a daily basis and after this one I’m thinking that I should…

Right now it seems so easy for me to just keep trying to push and move and keep busy and do all this stuff because that’s what I’m used to doing. However, at this current moment I don’t really have anything to be running toward. Go figure! The thing that everyone talks about is the walking around the wall, blowing the trumpets and the wall falling down. What stood out so much for me as I read this today was the faith that Joshua had to step out and do what God told him to do. All God wanted him to do was walk. There was no elaborate war plan or strategy for taking over. All they were supposed to do was walk…

Honestly, that is so hard for me right now. All I have to do is walk. God has given me the opportunity to spend some time with my family and enjoy the time. I finally finished my degree and it was well worth it. My current job is coming to an end and I should be enjoying those people and memories. Instead, I’m worried about what is coming next and I can’t see anything. I want to run into whatever is up next, but God is just asking me to walk.  I was JUST able to see that today. It doesn’t mean that I now know what’s coming next, but it does mean that God has it under control and if I walk with Him he will lead me in the right direction. I have had ‘Endejan Brain’ for the past 2 weeks and it’s been driving me crazy!!! I don’t know how you do it, friend, I don’t know how you do it…

So I’m sitting here right now trying to slow myself down long enough to walk like God is asking me to. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that God is the one who holds the future. I trust Him…

I have decided today that the battle is not mine. What does that mean? I realize that God is prepping me for something big and I don’t know what it is. However, Satan surely knows what it is and has decided to see if he can wear me down with all these peripheral discussions, arguments and dilemmas. I have had the most random day and I thought I liked it, but I’m pretty sure that I don’t anymore. I know that my hopes of starting it over won’t be granted to me, so my only bet is that I can try to do better tomorrow.  But sometimes I wonder…

I wonder why these things happen? I wonder why without notice things can switch and what was a good relationship is now being questioned. I wonder why miscommunication happens even when there was nothing being communicated? I sometimes wonder how men handle the pressures of being men. Responsibility is ours and we know that. Sometimes we like that, especially when things work out right. However, the dark, ugly side of responsibility shows up sometimes when we really don’t want it to or maybe can’t deal with the emotional aspect of it.

I’m writing today as someone who knows the battle has come to his doorstep. I’m dealing with a lot of things, and I’m glad to be done with school so I can attempt to concentrate on all the things swirling around my head. Even with the extra time and minimal extracurricular items, life can still be pretty taxing. That’s what I’ve noticed today. These are times that, as my friend Danielle says, “I know God is teaching me something and I sort of feel like we’ve had this lesson already. I’d like to say ‘God, I understand this lesson…can we move on to another one?’” That is what is in my heart today. I don’t know if that helps anyone, but it helps me to write it out. Sometimes I wonder if anyone cares…

So, I’ll be the first to say that I’m not the best with transition periods, but they are needed. I’m stuck in the middle of a huge one right now and I’m trying my best to stay focused on who God is and letting Him be the God that I’ve come to know and love.  It seems so difficult sometimes, but it’s all part o the learning process. In other news…

Spring Wildflowers is going great! What an interesting class. I didn’t think I’d like it at all. To some degree, I still don’t but I’m learning more than I thought I would. I’m glad that this is only 3 weeks long because I’m not sure if I could deal with it for longer than that.

We are waiting to hear about what our next move is as far as where God is leading us to be leaders. Instead of completely focusing on not knowing what’s next, I’m trying my best to enjoy where I am right now. I have 4 weeks left at this church that I have come to love so much and it’s hard thinking about leaving.

The school year is over and it’s tough saying goodbye to people that you’ve spent all that time with throughout the year. There were a few tearful goodbyes and and many see you laters. I’m excited about what’s next, and I’m happy to know that I have made some friendships that will be sure to last even though our time at school together has ended.

I guess I should go and try to get some things done. I’ve got an amazing person coming to take over this position as worship leader and I want to make sure that she has everything she needs to succeed. I’ll be sure to let you know what the next move is when I find out myself…